I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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