there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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