Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
