I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
