worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
