Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
