For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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