Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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