Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
