Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
