Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
