My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
