My liver just broke up with me...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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