His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
