Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
