why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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