Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
