So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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