I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
