I cannot find my penis.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
