Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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