It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
