How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
