I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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