Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
