Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
