My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
its not stalking. its research.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
