She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
