i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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