You made me cry and you don't even care
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
