Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
