Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
