Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
