Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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