I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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