wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She bit a glass in half.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Even my vagina gasped.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
