There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
