I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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