So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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