the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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