My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
