Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
