You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
