I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
