HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Ladies don't puke and tell
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
