Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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