If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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