you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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