she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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