I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
