Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
there is puke in my bra ... again
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