I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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