Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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