all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
