And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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