now i know why i became what i already was.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
