You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
