Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
