I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Oh god it's open bar.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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