let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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