I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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