We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
