I just made out with a guy for $7.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
