turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
