Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
