I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I AM VODKA MAN
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize