There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
