i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
