So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
