I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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