"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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