Already got asked if we're dating
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
