So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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