So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
